Self-sabotage means deciding you want something and then ensuring it doesn’t happen. Have you ever found yourself close to achieving a goal, only to throw it all away at the last moment? Did you look back later and kick yourself for being so foolish? Most of us have.
There’s a lot of truth to the quote, “We have met the enemy, and it is us.” We get in our way far more than life; other people or bad luck sabotages our success. We are our own worst enemy. You’d be amazed by how much easier your life would be if you weren’t constantly sabotaging your success.
Why did you do this? There are several possible explanations, ranging from a need to control the situation to feeling unworthy. But regardless of the cause, the solutions are similar.
Eliminate self-sabotage from your life using these tips:
1. Observe yourself. Look back at the times you’ve sabotaged yourself or come up short. You probably try to justify the sabotaging behavior in your mind. But ignore the reasons and observe the behavior. What conclusion would a casual observer draw from your behavior?
Learn to notice the signs of self-sabotage. How and when do you do it? Be objective
and recognize your patterns.
2. Remember that success isn’t perfect. Sometimes we quit because things aren’t turning out the way we imagined. Setting more reasonable expectations ensures that you see things through to the end. Nothing in life is ever perfect.
3. Let go of the past. Mistakes from the past don’t mean that you’re doomed to failure in the future. The past serves us as educational material, not as a predictor of the future. Leave your history in the past and create the future you desire.
4. Avoid talking to yourself unless you’re going to say something positive. You spend too much time saying negative things to yourself. Eventually, you begin to believe them. Such negative input gives you an incorrect opinion of yourself and your capabilities. Ensure that your self-talk is supportive and positive.
5. Notice the habits that sabotage your success. Think about what you want to be successful at and notice the habits or patterns that stand in your way.
Make a list of all the habits that sabotage your success. Write down all of how those habits inhibit your success. What is the cost of each of those habits? Awareness of the damage these habits cause can make it easier to change them.
6. Define your fear. All self-sabotage is rooted in fear. What exactly are you afraid of? Are you afraid of embarrassing yourself? Are you afraid of finding out that you’re not capable? Are you afraid of success? Are you fearful of how people will view you? Understand the basic fear that is causing you to sabotage yourself. Unless you can either overcome or remove that fear, you’ll continue to get in your own way.
7. Know your ceiling. Notice how far you can go before you begin sabotaging yourself. For example, you feel stuck in a particular role. What role are you stuck in? If you’re trying to grow as a professional, at what point do you begin sabotaging yourself? We all have a ceiling for each part of our lives. Understand yours and seek to understand why.
8. Identify and change your beliefs. What are the thoughts that stand in your way? Look at your beliefs about the part of your life you want to succeed in. Which of those beliefs is getting in your way or limiting you?
9. Consider the other people in your life. Self-sabotaging behavior is selfish. You’re hurting yourself and others. Before you throw in the towel, consider how it will affect those around you. That might provide enough motivation to continue pressing forward.
10. Be willing to be adventurous. People who self-sabotage tend to stay in their worlds. Seeing a project through to completion means adjusting your outlook. Your life will change somewhat, whether it’s a different job, a new relationship, or something else. Be brave enough to take that adventure. If you tend to start new projects but then stop yourself before ever completing them, everything will always stay the same, and you’ve just wasted time.
11. Start small. Give yourself the gift of having a few small successes. Then take the time to notice that these successes aren’t perfect but still improve your life. Enjoy the victory and imagine how great it would be to accomplish tremendous success.
12. Take some time before making significant decisions. Before making a big decision, give yourself some time to think about it. Decisions can be impulsive. A few days can give you the perspective you require to make a wise decision.
Self-sabotage can be frustrating. It might seem like you’re making a good choice at the moment, but eventually, the truth becomes more apparent. It’s easy to beat yourself up over your self-sabotaging behavior, but that can make it even harder for you to succeed the next time.
Never underestimate how much you’re standing in your way. Be good to yourself and avoid “shooting yourself in the foot” with self-sabotage. You can and will be successful!
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